Being Beautiful

Though I am told that I don't really qualify as "fat" or even "chubby," I support the size-acceptance movement. I believe that it is possible to be healthy at any size, skinny, fat, or in between, and that we owe it to ourselves to love, accept, and care for our bodies. Too often, though, women are told that our bodies are wrong. Hearing a message often enough (and o, how bombarded we are with this particular message!) can make even the hardiest among us doubt herself. The question for myself was not, "Can I be beautiful?" (i.e., lose or gain weight or otherwise change my body to fit some ideal), but "May I be beautiful?"

Since the beginning of treatment for hyperthyroidism in 2005, I have gained about twenty pounds. During the fag-end of the Bad Old Days, when I had not learned that loving myself was not only OK, but of utmost necessity, I cried when I could no longer zip my size 12 jeans (my "skinny" jeans) or button up my sleek, genuine U.S. Navy pants. The emotional choppiness born of a sudden relocation under bad circumstances and stormy hormones seeking a new equilibrium made it harder to bear my weight gain. In my head, I knew it was a sign of health. In my heart, in my feelings, I cowered before the blaring, jeering voice of internalized body-hatred.

Eventually, with help from my doctor, my therapist, my mother and my friends, I realized that what I had had before, as a thinner person, wasn't anything like a real, healthy life. Still, in my saddest moments, when I forgot I didn't really hate myself anymore, I wished my sickness back so that I could be thinner. A few minutes spent skimming the diaries I had kept in Tennessee were enough to snap me out of it.

One day, in the bathroom at my mother's house, where I was living after moving back to Michigan, dressed in jeans and a bra, I found myself admiring the curve of my hip and how it flowed inwards to form my waist. I ran my hands up and down my sides, from ribs to thighs. I liked the way my body felt; it was larger, yes, but it filled my size 14 jeans and my new, larger bra beautifully. It was soft and sleek and beautifully shaped. I laid my hands gently on my now-rounder belly and closed my eyes against grateful tears. I gave myself permission to see my beauty, to marvel at it, to love it, and revel in it.

Do you have permission? What would it take for you to grant it to yourself?

No-Bake Drop Cookies

My mother made these often. They never lasted long, especially once Daddy found them. He loved these. I still do, too. We just called them "drop cookies," so I was surprised while reading Mom's cookbooks, as a little girl, to see recipe after recipe for baked drop cookies. This recipe is nice for summer because it cooks on top of the stove. I don't know if these cookies are, like Big Boy restaurants, "a Michigan thing," but I've never encountered them outside my beautiful mother state.

2 cups sugar
1/2 cup cocoa
1 stick butter or margarine
1/2 cup milk (or evaporated milk; my friend Heather's mother used it)
1/2 cup peanut butter
1 tsp vanilla
3 cups "quick oats" oatmeal

In a medium saucepan, combine sugar, cocoa, butter or margarine, and milk. Bring to a boil and cook for 2-3 minutes. Remove from heat and add peanut butter and vanilla, stirring until the mixture is no longer glossy. Stir in the oatmeal. Drop by spoonfuls (whatever size you like) onto a cookie sheet or waxed paper. Let cool until firm, and enjoy!

You might like less oatmeal, or you might like part oats and part chopped walnuts, or flaked unsweetened coconut. You could also use chunky/crunchy peanut butter.

Sometimes, when we were short of cocoa, my mother simply omitted it and we had peanut-butter fudge cookies. Mmmmmm!

Good stuff from Stephanie Tourles

For the last few weeks, I have been reading Naturally Healthy Skin by Stephanie Tourles. I bought the book a number of years ago, hoping to find something to help my poor ravaged skin. Of course, I didn't know that I had Graves' disease; once I had my thyroid out, my hormone levels balanced themselves and my skin improved dramatically. Since beginning each day with a full recipe of Ms. Tourles' "Skin-So-Smoothie" recipe (I make it with unsweetened almond milk), my skin has felt softer and looks smoother than I can ever remember. My forehead is less oily, and I believe the faint vertical line on the inside of my left eyebrow has diminished. I've also tried her snack mix recipe, modifying it for what I have on hand. It's delicious. My attempt at her chewy apricot "cookie" recipe was less successful; they taste good, but they're awfully gooey, so I think I must have added too much juice.

I can't, of course, reproduce any of her recipes here, but I encourage you to visit Ms. Tourles' website and to take a look at her books at your local bookstore or library. Seriously good stuff!

Spring has come

Photo by staffahouse.co.uk

Daffadowndilly

She wore her yellow sun-bonnet,
She wore her greenest gown;
She turned to the south wind
And curtsied up and down.
She turned to the sunlight
And shook her yellow head,
And whispered to her neighbor,
"Winter is dead."

A. A. Milne

Black Forest Brownies

Whether you start with a family recipe or a boxed mix, brownies are always wonderful -- at least, I've never met one I didn't like. My favorite way to serve and eat brownies, especially for "occasions," is a kind of rearranged (or disarranged) Black Forest gâteau.

Black Forest Brownies

Your favorite brownie recipe
OR: a "family-size" (9"x13") box of brownie mix
1 can of cherry pie filling
1 oz. Kirschwasser
1 half-gallon vanilla ice cream
whipped cream

Pour the cherries into a small bowl and stir in the Kirschwasser. Let stand at room temperature while brownies are baking.

Mix and bake brownies in a 9"x13" pan. Cool to lukewarm. Slice the brownies into your favorite size squares.

For each serving:
Place one brownie on a dessert plate. Top with a scoop of ice cream and a generous spoonful (or however much you like) of cherries. Place another brownie on top of the ice cream and cherries, pressing it down so that it sits securely (or not, as you like!). Pour another generous spoonful of cherries over the second brownie and top with a big fluff of whipped cream.

Now dig in and enjoy!

As with all my recipes (the ones not given to me by Kristina, that is), there's a lot of room to improvise with this one. Warm the cherry-kirsch mixture before serving. Try mint-chocolate chip ice cream and substitute hot fudge for the cherries. I've made this with chocolate cake, too; I baked a 9"x13" cake, cut it into squares, and split each square into two layers before proceeding as above. Mix it up and make it your own, but most of all, enjoy it!

Prayers for the Neesons

The beautiful and talented Natasha Richardson has died from her head injury.  She was 45 years old.

"Liam Neeson, his sons, and the entire family are shocked and devastated by the tragic death of their beloved Natasha. They are profoundly grateful for the support, love and prayers of everyone, and ask for privacy during this very difficult time."

Please think of and pray for her family, especially her husband and her young sons.

If you bump your head, please go to the hospital. Please. Better to feel silly afterwards for having made a fuss over nothing than to take such a chance. So much can happen in so little time.

Take care of yourself; we need you.

xoxo

Portable Shade

"The parasols this year look like big, beautiful flowers that have grown and blossomed at will without having a single pretty fancy restrained or pruned away. Like all of this Springs work they are characterized by a picturesque and irresponsible variety that refuses adherence to any one pattern. Any sort of parasol may he carried with the assurance that the more it differs from every other parasol the more it will he approved." -- The New York Times, May 1, 1892.

The days are growing longer, which reminds me that everyone should use sunblock. I like Neutrogena's SPF 30 for sensitive skin, but sometimes I forget to apply it or to tuck it in my purse before going out. My two failsafe measures are a large hat and a parasol, both of which are much harder to overlook and leave behind.

I have a large head covered with a lot of thick, long hair. Finding hats that fit is difficult for me, especially as I frequently wear my hair pulled or pinned up, and so I decided to make one, thereby guaranteeing a good fit. Last year, I found this pattern by Lily Chin, and I executed it in jute twine from the hardware store for a rustic look. Lily models her hat pushed back from her face, but I wear mine level across my forehead to shade my face and throat. I made two hatbands which coordinate with just about everything I wear; I swap them according to my outfit and pin them with an antique brooch. The hat draws lots of compliments, but the parasol draws stares.



On eBay, that bargain-hunter's playground, I found a Chinese paper parasol, dated about 1920. Its paper canopy was torn in several places, so I mended it with tissue paper and Elmer's glue. The patches are white, but I haven't figured out how to stain them to match the rest of the canopy without dissolving the paper. They don't show much, fortunately, so I may leave them as they are. The parasol shades me well, allowing only dim sunlight to touch my skin. I used it for most of last summer, and between it and the hat, I didn't get sunburned once. As fair as I am, that's quite a feat.



We all need some unprotected exposure to sunlight (ten to fifteen minutes a day, I have read) to help our bodies make vitamin D, a nutrient necessary for regulating the body's calcium and phosphorous levels. Sunshine feels good, and it's good for us. But baking our skin, whether in the sun or a tanning parlor, is a great way to wind up with prematurely aged skin or, at worst, skin cancer. Even if your skin is olive or dark, excessive sun exposure can cause damage, but paler people are much more susceptible.

Enjoy checking out the parasols at these links. Maybe we'll start a trend!

Darna's East Angel Harbor Hat Shoppe -- elaborate, hand-decorated parasols and hats
Designs by Victoria -- parasols, fans, and other goodies
Lace Parasols: Undercover Elegance
Luna Bazaar -- colorful paper parasols
Pamela's Parasols
Parasols at Gentleman's Emporium -- oodles of other lovely wearables and accessories, too.
Shooting Star History -- patterns and supplies for making your own parasols