Cassiopeia the Queen

c. July 4, 2000 - December 3, 2009

śavāsana

You might not think that there was much to playing dead. There really is. I do think it's funny that lying like a corpse has a specific technique and position involved. The feet need to be a bit apart, the hands turned palms-up, the eyes closed, the breathing shallow and relaxed.

I feel myself sinking, as though into the soil beneath the green tree that decorates my yoga mat. The roots brush my face as gently as a mother strokes her baby's cheek. It is cool and dark. There is nowhere to go, and all the time there is to get there. I sink deeper, feeling in my flesh, in my bones, the destiny of all flesh and all bones: to sink, to dissolve, to begin again.

Cassie update and my new project

Cassie is holding her own. She's not eating as much as usual, and she's been very affectionate; never much of a lap kitty, she seems to always want to be near us. We don't think she is experiencing pain, but she must be nauseated. We are giving her medicine to help settle her stomach. She has another appointment in three weeks, unless she gets worse.

I saw my brother today for the first time in about a month. I love that kid with all my heart. He's still finding himself and his place in the world (and trying to find a job, poor kid). I felt inspired to create a plan for a cute home on wheels for him; built on a flatbed trailer, it could be really cute like the ones at Tumbleweed Houses. I really want to build something like this, and have for a long time. Maybe now I'll get my chance -- better check the salvage ads.

Cassiopeia

My cat, Cassie, has lymphoma.

I can't stop crying.

Real Hiatus This Time

Due to increased volume at work, I hardly leave my desk. Because my work involves the use of a computer, I have sustained an injury to my shoulder, which means that I have to limit my computer time to my job. I had a massage yesterday which seems to have helped, but until I'm healed, I think it's best if I don't spend much time at the computer. See you when I'm all better!

Beauty: In Their Own Words

Maybe it's that I'm sugared out from our morning party (o, the chocolate-chili cookies!), but I thought I'd use this SGED Friday to share some words of body-love wisdom, along with links to galleries at The Judgment of Paris where you can see more of these beautiful women. And beautiful they are, inside and out.

"I’ll never forget seeing my fifth-grade photographs, taken at the beginning of the school year. I had just started developing. Just a little, and at the same time just enough to start feeling awkward about my body. I remember looking at the other kids’ pictures and comparing myself to them. God, I thought as I looked down at my reflection, I don’t like the way I look.
"Years later, on a sun-kissed beach in the Bahamas, I felt the same way as the day I saw those photos. I was with Michele [Weston] that day and I was being photographed for a summer issue of MODE. The only thing I had to wear was a swimsuit and a smile. I turned to her as the photographer had finished setting up his equipment, and I said, 'I just don't deserve to be here.' Michele took me over to a full-length mirror and replied, 'Barbara Brickner, you look at yourself. What makes you think you don’t deserve to be what all of us see in you?' I didn’t have an answer, for I could only see the reflection of a girl posing for her school picture. She continued: 'You’re here because we see the beauty in you. Not just the curves, the beautiful body, or the beautiful face, but it’s what comes out of you.' I was awakened."

Barbara Brickner
Barbara Brickner: An Encomium


"When I was thinner, I wasn’t comfortable with my body. Now, I like myself, tummy and all. The problem isn’t with me; it’s with others. When you’re full figured, people treat you like a failure. Even when I was a size 10, they thought I should do more to lose weight, not realizing how much I was doing. There’s so much pressure to be a small size in this society, even if it’s not natural or healthy for you. People should understand that when you’re healthy, it doesn’t matter what size you are."

Shannon Marie
Shannon Marie: Fairest of Them All


"As for maintaining such positive body image, well, I read a lot of books on the subject. As a plus model it's always been something that has come up...meaning the positive influence we are able to set for women. So it's good for me to be well read, right? And the bottom line is, I know I'm worthy and deserving of the very best in life, as we all are. This includes the choice to Love myself completely and totally as I am, exactly as I am. All you have to do is be willing to learn to Love yourself and the door has been opened. I remember recently sitting on the couch with my sister Jen. We had just had a lovely dinner, and my stomach was feeling it! So I looked down at my protruding belly full of good food, and gave it a rub and said, 'I Love you, stomach.' We both laughed of course. It was funny and sweet and true."

Valerie Lefkowitz
Valerie Lefkowitz: An Homage
I Love how Valerie capitalized "Love." Now I'm doing it, too! - MB


How are you loving yourself today? I am wearing one of my favorite dresses. Later, I'll be playing mermaid in the pool and lying quiescent in the sauna afterwards.

Turkish Delight

There was no post last Friday because I took the last part of the day to prepare for and attend a concert by Peter Murphy, one of my all-time favorite musicians. He is one of the most compelling performers out there, a charismatic, limber frontman in the tradition of David Bowie and Iggy Pop, with a resonant, powerful baritone and a mystical bent that manifests itself in his lyrics.


I've been a fan of Peter's since I was about fourteen, when 88.7FM (CIMX) began its switch from adult contemporary to New Wave and alternative. I didn't always know what his lyrics meant, but I loved the mysterious, fanciful imagery ("The djinn men smash the ark/Four guides afloat, four dots of God"). And of course, I loved his strange, rich voice; singing along, I reached for those low notes until my throat was sore. Someday, I hope to tell him about all the little babies I've sung to sleep with snatches from "Huuvola," a lovely song he wrote for his own children. As most couples have a "song," our song is "I'll Fall With Your Knife;" it was our first (and only!) dance together at our wedding (my husband's not much for dancing).

I was lucky enough to meet Peter in 2000; he clasped my hand and said, "How are you, darling?" in response to my nervous "Hi, Peter." At another show on that same tour (I told you he's one of my all-time favorites), he autographed my copy of Coleman Barks' The Essential Rumi, after I handed it to a new friend, who handed it through a van window to Peter. He inscribed the book "To Moe," my nickname (usually minus the "e"), because that's the only name my new friend knew me by. This book is one of my treasures, and I nearly wept with relief when I found it intact after the fire that destroyed my apartment building several years ago. On the flyleaf, in blue ink now slightly smudged by water damage from that awful night, he wrote:


Thanks
to
Moe
"Be as you are
or
Be as you appear to be..."
'Rumi'
Peter Murphy

Peter is married to the beautiful Beyhan Murphy, founder and head of Modern Dance Turkey. They live in Ankara, Turkey, home to all kinds of marvelous sweets. My personal favorite is baklava, but I also like Turkish Delight. Unlike Edmund Pevensie, I can only eat a couple of pieces at a time, as it's very sweet.

This recipe contains no gelatin and comes from GastronomieDominie.com, Liz Upton's superlative blog. Please do go to the site and read the fascinating history of Turkish Delight, then try tackling this recipe. Serve the candy with strong coffee, as is traditional; it really takes the edge off the amazing bitterness of real Turkish coffee.

Rahat Lokum (Turkish Delight)

For 80 pieces (40 orange-flower flavour, 40 rose flavour) you'll need:

4 cups sugar
4 1/2 cups water
Juice of 1 lime
1 cup cornflour (cornstarch for Americans)
1 teaspoon cream of tartar (this stops the mixture from crystalising)
1 tablespoon essence of rose water
1 tablespoon essence of orange-flower water (both of these ingredients are made by the English Provender Company and are available in the UK in supermarkets) [American and Canadian friends, check Indian and Middle Eastern grocers -- MB]
1 cup icing sugar (confectioners' sugar for Americans)
1/4 cup extra cornflour

Begin by boiling the sugar with the lime juice and 1 1/2 cups of water. Use a jam thermometer and remove from the heat when the syrup reaches the soft ball stage (115C/239F).

While you are boiling the sugar syrup, combine the cream of tartar and a cup of cornflour with three cups of cold water. (Using cold water should prevent lumps.) Mix well and bring up to a simmer, stirring all the time. Continue stirring at a simmer until the mixture has made a thick, gluey paste. Stir the sugar syrup into this paste. (If you end up with lumps at this stage, push everything into a saucepan through a sieve with the back of a ladle.)

Simmer the sugar and cornflour mixture, stirring every few minutes, until it's a golden-honey colour and about 120C/248F (this is halfway between soft and hard ball on your jam thermometer, and will take about an hour). Divide the mixture into two, and pour it into two prepared trays lined with oiled cling film (American readers - this is what we call Saran wrap over here). Add a tablespoon of rose water and a few drops of pink food colouring to one and stir, a tablespoon of orange-flower water to the other, and stir. Cover and chill for a few hours until set.

Turn out the wobbling sections. You will be glad for that oiled cling film. Slice the set Turkish Delight into cubes, and roll in a mixture of 1 cup icing sugar and 1/4 cup cornflour so that they don't stick together. Set before the ravening hordes. If, unaccountably, they don't raven their way through the whole lot in one go, store in airtight boxes between layers of greaseproof paper, well-dusted with the icing sugar/cornflour mixture.